Adventures in Asperger's

 

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching I am reminded of one of the most difficult homework assignments I have ever had the displeasure of working on with Luke. As I have mentioned before, my beautiful, smart, sweet son has Asperger’s Syndrome. This is an Autism Spectrum Disorder which includes symptoms such as: “significant trouble with social situations, lacking empathy, and very literal in speech and thought.” Loosely translated: “Your child will suck at writing thoughtful, personalized Valentine’s cards for every kid in his class because, among other things, he is incapable of lying.”

At the time of this assignment, Luke was in second grade in a class with 24 children. We were tasked with cutting 24 hearts out of construction paper and writing something nice for each child. We were off to a good start in the beginning as Luke breezed through with adoration for some of his favorite kids in the class. Most of the hearts would say something like: “You’re pretty. Love Luke.” “You’re tall. Love Luke.” “You’re good at the wii. Love Luke.” As we moved down the list and got into neutral territory they became more observational: “Your hair is red. Luke.” “You have glasses.  Luke.” “You’re new. Luke.” The real trouble did not start until the “dirty dozen” at the bottom of Luke’s list.   

Luke does not think it is ok to write something nice to someone who is not nice. In fact, I think he felt like that little red heart was his opportunity to tell everyone exactly what he thought of them – good, bad or indifferent. I offered scores of suitable suggestions but he was not going to budge. I thought about going behind his back, disguising my handwriting to look like his, and replacing the unacceptable ones. I would have done that if I thought I could get away with it. Finally, I considered truancy, or telling Luke he was sick, if it meant he (I) could avoid the Valentine’s Day party.

I don’t remember the exact deal I struck with my child to complete the assignment in a way that would not hurt anyone’s feelings, but it probably involved money. I pulled a few of my favorite hearts from the discard pile and still have them today. Here are a few highlights: “Learn and practice writing.” “You’re crazy a little.” “Stop please.” And my favorite “Get better”. I originally thought that was a sweet get-well note, and asked if she was sick. Luke said “No. She’s bad.”

We haven’t gotten the rules for this year’s Valentine’s party yet, but I am optimistic that the good ol’ mass-produced, perforated-edged, generic but inoffensive cards will do just fine. If not, Luke just might be sick that day.